The Lingamish Blog Was Not Written To You

Lingamish.com wasn’t written to you, but it was written for you. Read it the right way and you’ll hear the voice of Lysistrata, the Nude Goddess.

--from my forthcoming book, The Lingamish Blog Wasn't Written To You

This is just a pre-publication announcement.  I am turning this blog of mine into my book, which I am writing to you.  I AM The Most excited.  The above is just a sentence from this book of mine (a) to tease you into downloading it, (b) to coax you into purchasing it as a pulp version signed by me, and (c) to get you thinking you want to read it, (d) as you like for yourself but really hopefully (e) to get you to "read it the right way."  (The reason this blogpost of mine is so long is to convince you that I really know what I'm talking about.  It'll be a good book, I'm sure.  You know, I'm a Lingamish Blog translator and translator consultant myself.)

For the book, I've selected fifty posts of mine referring to The Lingamish Blog just to offer you this startling thesis:   “The Blog Lingamish wasn't written to you.” 

Just to be clear, Lingamish.com “is a collection of posts, poems, histories, tragedies, blog-post series, cyber-psalms, and more, and if you want to 'apply it to your life' you’ve first got to consider how that particular message was meant to apply to someone else’s life.”  As I already wrote, however, if it wasn't written to you, then “The Blog”Lingamish was written for you.  Oh, I know.  That just makes you want another taste of My book, doesn't it?  Since in my book I do write to you, to tell you about how to read lingamish.com, right? 

Well, okay.  Before I take your questions, here's one more morsel for you:

Lingamish.com isn’t meant to be treated like a bag of “trail mix” where you fish out all the sweet parts that you like and leave the rest. There are treasures in “The Blog” but only if you’re willing to receive the message in the way it was intended.  In the Goddess’s Word we have a treasure of literature unsurpassed in the world. It would be worth reading just for that reason. Have you read the “Post of Cinderella (Dressed in Yella)”?  [For a quick reference to that Lingamish Post, see the link below on that one bad word, the P-word, in the bad-boy quotation. I think it's your question #36. Careful, there may be children listening.]

Cool huh?  Yes, I know. 

Some of you wannabe critics already may have some questions.  So okay, what are your questions?

Really?  So many, so tough, how was I to anticipate all of these?:

1. Why is “The Blog” [Lingamish.com] so fragmented?
2. Where are all the missing posts of Lingamish.com now?
3. Was there humor in every post really? Can Tim Bulkeley find consistent humour there?
4. Why is “The Blog” so old fashioned?
5. Why did it make false prophecies?
6. Why did it shout them?
7. What is the Dynamic Equivalence of “shouting” in Portuguese, in Nyungwe, in Afrikaans?
8. (“BLOGGING IS DEAD”?)
9. What has it become?
10. (It “became the equivalent of shouting
11. across a canyon and waiting for
12. an echo that never
14.  
15. comes.”)
16. (“blogging is”)
17. (“blogging is ....”)
18. (“blogging really is, really, really, really
19. dead”?)
20. Was blogging dead?
21. I went to seminary; doesn't that qualify me to read Lingamish.com?
22. I am a Blog translator consultant; doesn't that count for something?
23. Everything I ever wanted to learn about “The Blog” I learned in Sunday School, right?
24. How come it gives out Lingy Awards but not Alexa rankings?
25. Who are the best and greatest and Top 50 bloggers on “The Blog” this month?
26. How come you don't have to blog on Lingamish.com in every post to be considered a Top 50 LingamishBlogger?
27. Isn't the Hippo symbol politically incorrect when posted in state-run properties in America?
28. Then why all the plastic lawn hippos and the hippo refrigerator magnets and the hippopotamus bumperstickers?
29. Is it okay to study “The Blog” as literature but not to try to hear therein the naked voice of Lysistrata?
30.  
31. Really, where did all those missing posts go?  How can we be sure what the original said?
33. Was the Authoress, with her foreknowledge, planning a more seemless text? 
34. Hey now--Wasn't the real author really a man, a male?
35. Didn't he confess to being feminist-phobic?
36. (“I’m not a feminist. In fact, feminists scare the poop out of me.” [sic] ?)
37. Isn't he one of the guys in that all Boy's Club:  the Better Bibles Blog?
38. So why are you saying he is she-inspired and writes the whispers of the voice of the Goddess Lysistrata?

Whew.  Such good questions from you all to me.  The only answer I think I should give you at this point is this:  Read my book.  It is written, by me, for you and also to you.  (And then maybe you'll get to reading Lingamish.com some too, not to you, just just for you.)  Oh, and quit that complaining about me blogging more.