Tuesday, October 21, 2008

to the Prodigal Father

Don’t know why I have to be the one to change when Dad hurts me, I told my sponsor. Yeah, I know Anne’s Pastor Veronica says, “When someone is acting butt-ugly, God loves them just the same as God loves the innocent.” But, like Keith writes, My “fear may be that God, like some cosmic rapist, is going to come into the innermost parts of our lives and control our every move or thought or stop us from doing or thinking anything that is fun, or send us off to a dangerous or primitive mission field, or force us to sell our home and give the money to the poor, or tell us to become a rigid narrow Christian (or an Episcopalian or Baptist or Catholic or charismatic or whatever the scariest thing to you is).” Besides, whenever I try to take Step 9, he comes at me, wanting to “dialogue,” and it just goes something like Relient K’s “Which to Bury; Us or the Hatchet” (with Dad doing the SCREAMO PARTS IN RED):

I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING AT
I FIND IT SO UPSETTING THAT
THE MEMORIES THAT YOU SELECT
YOU KEEP THE BAD BUT THE GOOD YOU JUST FORGET

AND EVEN THOUGH I'M ANGRY I CAN STILL SAY
I KNOW MY HEART WILL BREAK THE DAY
WHEN YOU PEEL OUT AND DRIVE AWAY
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED
AND ALL THIS TIME I NEVER THOUGHT
THAT ALL WE HAD WOULD BE ALL FOR NAUGHT


No, I don't hate you
Don't want to fight you
Know I'll always love you
But right now I just don't like you
Know I don't hate you
Don't want to fight you
Know I'll always love you
But right now I just don't like you
Cause you took this too far, too far

MAKE YOUR DECISION AND DON'T YOU DARE THINK TWICE
GO WITH YOUR INSTINCTS ALONG WITH SOME BAD ADVICE
THIS DIDN'T TURN OUT THE WAY I THOUGHT IT WOULD AT ALL
YOU BLAME ME BUT SOME OF THIS IS STILL YOUR FAULT

I TRIED TO MOVE YOU
BUT YOU JUST WOULDN'T BUDGE
I TRIED TO HOLD YOUR HAND
BUT YOU'D RATHER HOLD YOUR GRUDGE
I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING AT
YOU SAID GOODBYE AND I JUST DON'T WANT YOU REGRETTING THAT


No, I don't hate you
Don't want to fight you
Know I'll always love you
But right now I just don't like you
Know I don't hate you
Don't want to fight you
Know I'll always love you
But right now I just don't like you

Your wisdom always chooses
These black eyes and these bruises
Oh the heartache, as they say,
Never completely goes away
(I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED
AND ONE DAY WE'LL SEE THIS COME AROUND)

Your wisdom always chooses
These black eyes and these bruises
Oh the heartache, as they say,
Never completely goes away

No, I don't hate you
Don't want to fight you
Know I'll always love you
But right now I just don't like you
Know I don't hate you
Don't want to fight you
Know I'll always love you
But right now I just don't like you
Cause you took this too far

WHAT HAPPENED TO US?
I heard that its me we should blame!
“What happened to us?”
Why didn't you stop me from turning out this way?!

You know that I don't hate you
You know that I don't want to fight you
You know I'll always love you
But right now I just don't.

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