Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Lingamish Blog Was Not Written To You wasn’t written to you, but it was written for you. Read it the right way and you’ll hear the voice of Lysistrata, the Nude Goddess.
--from my forthcoming book, The Lingamish Blog Wasn't Written To You
This is just a pre-publication announcement.  I am turning this blog of mine into my book, which I am writing to you.  I AM The Most excited.  The above is just a sentence from this book of mine (a) to tease you into downloading it, (b) to coax you into purchasing it as a pulp version signed by me, and (c) to get you thinking you want to read it, (d) as you like for yourself but really hopefully (e) to get you to "read it the right way."  (The reason this blogpost of mine is so long is to convince you that I really know what I'm talking about.  It'll be a good book, I'm sure.  You know, I'm a Lingamish Blog translator and translator consultant myself.)

For the book, I've selected fifty posts of mine referring to The Lingamish Blog just to offer you this startling thesis:   “The Blog Lingamish wasn't written to you.” 

Just to be clear, “is a collection of posts, poems, histories, tragedies, blog-post series, cyber-psalms, and more, and if you want to 'apply it to your life' you’ve first got to consider how that particular message was meant to apply to someone else’s life.”  As I already wrote, however, if it wasn't written to you, then “The Blog”Lingamish was written for you.  Oh, I know.  That just makes you want another taste of My book, doesn't it?  Since in my book I do write to you, to tell you about how to read, right? 

Well, okay.  Before I take your questions, here's one more morsel for you: isn’t meant to be treated like a bag of “trail mix” where you fish out all the sweet parts that you like and leave the rest. There are treasures in “The Blog” but only if you’re willing to receive the message in the way it was intended.  In the Goddess’s Word we have a treasure of literature unsurpassed in the world. It would be worth reading just for that reason. Have you read the “Post of Cinderella (Dressed in Yella)”?  [For a quick reference to that Lingamish Post, see the link below on that one bad word, the P-word, in the bad-boy quotation. I think it's your question #36. Careful, there may be children listening.]
Cool huh?  Yes, I know. 

Some of you wannabe critics already may have some questions.  So okay, what are your questions?

Really?  So many, so tough, how was I to anticipate all of these?:
  1. Why is “The Blog” [] so fragmented?
  2. Where are all the missing posts of now?
  3. Was there humor in every post really? Can Tim Bulkeley find consistent humour there?
  4. Why is “The Blog” so old fashioned?
  5. Why did it make false prophecies?
  6. Why did it shout them?
  7. What is the Dynamic Equivalence of “shouting” in Portuguese, in Nyungwe, in Afrikaans?
  9. What has it become?
  10. (It “became the equivalent of shouting
  11. across a canyon and waiting for
  12. an echo that never
  14. comes.”)
  15. (“blogging is”)
  16. (“blogging is ....”)
  17. (“blogging really is, really, really, really
  18. dead”?)
  19. Was blogging dead?
  20. I went to seminary; doesn't that qualify me to read
  21. I am a Blog translator consultant; doesn't that count for something?
  22. Everything I ever wanted to learn about “The Blog” I learned in Sunday School, right?
  23. How come it gives out Lingy Awards but not Alexa rankings?
  24. Who are the best and greatest and Top 50 bloggers on “The Blog” this month?
  25. How come you don't have to blog on in every post to be considered a Top 50 LingamishBlogger?
  26. Isn't the Hippo symbol politically incorrect when posted in state-run properties in America?
  27. Then why all the plastic lawn hippos and the hippo refrigerator magnets and the hippopotamus bumperstickers?
  28. Is it okay to study “The Blog” as literature but not to try to hear therein the naked voice of Lysistrata?
  30. Really, where did all those missing posts go?  How can we be sure what the original said?
  31. Was the Authoress, with her foreknowledge, planning a more seemless text? 
  32. Hey now--Wasn't the real author really a man, a male?
  33. Didn't he confess to being feminist-phobic?
  34. (“I’m not a feminist. In fact, feminists scare the poop out of me.” [sic] ?)
  35. Isn't he one of the guys in that all Boy's Club:  the Better Bibles Blog?
  36. So why are you saying he is she-inspired and writes the whispers of the voice of the Goddess Lysistrata?
Whew.  Such good questions from you all to me.  The only answer I think I should give you at this point is this:  Read my book.  It is written, by me, for you and also to you.  (And then maybe you'll get to reading some too, not to you, just just for you.)  Oh, and quit that complaining about me blogging more.


Kristen said...

Heh. I am most intrigued. Give me a day or two to research this Lingamish thing, and I'll get back to you. It's very important to rightly divide the word of Lingamish!

David Ker said...

And the latest edition is here:

It's half price for all Speakeristic readers.

J. K. Gayle said...

"It's very important to rightly divide the word of Lingamish!" Amen, Kristen! Heh. Please don't wait for my book to come out before you commence with your studies; however, please do know that Lingamish isn't written to you especially (if it is written for you particularly). And, of course, My book will be both written to you and written for you. You can now anticipate my chapter on the missing posts, including the alleged last post called, "The Hippo's Swan Song." There are some lead tablets found recently, bound by rings, that purport to give some truth about its existence. My book may confirm or deny the supposed evidence.

Kanyimbe, Thanks for the generosity. Kanyimbe, huh? Well, the legendary first-time last post of the Lingamish, "The Hippo's Swan Song," made the announcement: "It’s time to say goodbye.... 3. Kanyimbe: This will be my main work blog and my new name. For background on that see here: About Kanyimbe. // I reserve the right to change my mind on any of this at any time. Blogging matters mostly to the blogger. So if I feel like doing something on Lingamish i will." The loyal followers are so glad you've been so moved with feelings. (And you've given me my chapter on post-blog blogging.)